To see how the ritual usually unfolds, let's look at Julie's interview. Julie is a junior high school student and her interview takes place in a brightly-lit school library. There are several low round computer tables, each with four or five chairs, spread throughout the room. There are about 15 interviews taking place at one time and consequently there is a lot of movement and ambient noise. The principal as they come in greets Julie and her parents. Then the librarian, working from a large schedule directs them to a table to wait for the teachers to come to them. Julie's father gets a coffee from the cart in the corner and they go and sit down.
Julie: There's Mary. She doesn't look happy.
Father: How long will we have to wait?
Julie: I don't know.
Mother: It doesn't matter. This is better than chasing all over the school trying to find her teachers.
Father: Who are we going to see?
Mother: I don't know. I asked to see her English teacher and her math teacher. I'm worried about her math. Julie, do you know who we will be seeing?
Julie: Ms. Jones for sure. She's my homeroom teacher and she teaches us English. I don't know if Mr. Spence will show up.
Mother: Who's Mr. Spence?
Julie: He teaches us science
Father: Why does he want to see us?
Julie: I don't know.
Father: What do you mean you don’t know?
Ms. Jones: [hurrying to the table] Hi, I’m Ms. Jones. I’m sorry I’m late. We’re a little behind. We had a really good turnout.
Mother: It’s nice to see you again.
Father: Hi.
Ms. Jones: We should get started. Is there anything you wanted to know?
Father: [glancing at Julie] Just, how she’s doing in school.
Ms. Jones: Julie, how do you think you’re doing.
Julie: [shrugs] Fine, I guess.
Ms. Jones: [looks at Julie]
Julie: [starts] Oh. My English is OK; I’ve caught up on my book reports and I passed the last Math exam.
Mother: What about your other subjects?
Julie: Phys Ed is OK. I liked volley ball, but now we are doing social dance. It’s OK, but there aren’t enough boys so I have to dance with another girl. I like to lead.
Ms. Jones: I teach Julie social studies and she is doing well. She participates in class and has some good ideas. She certainly stands up for women’s rights. I know, Mr. Spence wants to talk to you about science. But Julie, you’re taking Drama aren’t you? How is that going?
Julie: OK I guess. I wanted to play the mother, but Bridgitte got that part. I’m just one of the kids and I only get two lines.
Father: I’m glad that Julie thinks she’s doing well. How do you think she’s doing in English and Math?
Mr. Spence: [rushes up and takes a seat, frazzled] Hi, Sorry I’m late.
Ms. Jones: This is Julie’s mother, Mrs. Smythe and Julie’s father Mr. Fritz. You’re just in time to tell them how Julie is doing in science.
Mr. Spence: I wanted to talk to you because I was really impressed with Julie’s science project.
Julie: [shy smile]
Mr. Spence: She’s obviously done a lot of work and shows a good understanding of the electricity. I’d like to have her enter it in the district science fair. I haven’t talked to Julie about it because you have to agree. Someone will need to get her to the Jameson High School gym before 8:30 on April 2 and there is a $25 entry fee.
Father: [a pained look]
Mr. Spence: [noticing the look] It’s a Saturday and if the fee is a problem just let us know. Julie would need to do a little more work and remount her display, but we have the material here.
Mother: When would you need to know?
Mr. Spence: Soon, the entry deadline is next Friday. If Julie can tell me Monday, that would be fine.
Ms. Jones: We’re running out of time. Julie, have you thought about your goals for the next term
Julie: I’m going to get my homework done on time and hand in all of my book reports.
Ms. Jones: That’s would be nice. [smile] We really have to go. If you have any questions, just call. Julie is really doing well. It’s been nice meeting you
Mother: Thanks
Father: [shakes hands with the teachers] Thank you
Ms. Jones and Mr. Spence: Thanks for taking the time to come.
But, what happens when everything isn’t going well. Tigr, like his namesake is a big, bright, bouncy, boisterous, boy. However, that isn't the problem. The problem is that he doesn't do his assignments, and fritters away his time in class. Also, he traditionally has been the victim of teasing and bullying, but has been learning how to deal with it. None of this is new, so Tigr, his parents, and his teachers are resigned to repeating previous conversations. A complicating factor is that Tigr's father used to be a school trustee and has been on the school council forever.
Like Julie's parents, Tigr's parents are met by the principal and assigned a table. Tigr's father takes a coffee and sits down. So does Tigr. Because the interview is scheduled for 4:30, Tigr has been waiting at the school.
Father: What did you do while you were waiting?
Tigr: I read a bit and they had Tank Attack in the computer room.
Father: Didn’t you have homework to do?
Tigr: They locked the halls.
Father: [exasperated] and you couldn’t get some books before then! You’ve got late assignments for every subject; you’re at school anyway; [louder] and you still didn’t do any work!
Tigr: Tank Attack is good for estimating angles and trajectories.
Ms. Thoms: [comes to the table with Ms. Jones] Hello again. How have you doing?
Mother: My hemoglobin is low so I’m a bit dragged out.
Ms. Jones: Hi, I teach Tigr English.
Father: Nice to meet you.
Ms. Thoms: Mr. Fennel wanted to be here, but we don’t have much time, so we had better get started.
Father: Is there any joy?
Ms. Thoms: Well, Tigr is doing well in drama and physical education. Both, of his teachers say that he works hard and is getting along with his classmates. Mrs. Tate, his drama teacher, says that Tigr has real talent.
Father: Is he completing more assignments?
Ms. Thoms: Not really, but he is paying more attention in class and works while he is there. He just doesn’t finish anything. Does he have a place to work at home?
Father: He has a desk in his room, but he can’t find it.
Ms. Thoms: What about a regular time to do homework?
Father: We send him downstairs after supper, but he does everything but.
Ms. Jones: Can you take away some privileges if he doesn’t do his work?
Father: He doesn’t have any. Other than cadets, which we put him in to improve his social skills, he doesn’t go anywhere. We let him visit a friend on the weekend. We can’t keep him locked up. There isn’t much else we can do unless you want us to beat him.
Tigr: [has drunk most of his coffee and started to pick at the foam cup]
Ms. Jones: [not sure she’s being teased] No, don’t beat him. Tigr has several book reports outstanding and I don’t understand it. I know he reads the books. I‘ve had to take them away from him when I’m lecturing.
Mother: What level books is he reading?
Ms. Jones: Young Adult and some Adult.
Mother: That’s good. For a long time he would only read children’s books. He’d read his sister’s books before she could. We’ve started making him read to her.
Father: How’s he doing otherwise?
Ms. Jones: He understands the novel we’re reading and asks some good questions. The little bit of writing he has done is quite good.
Ms. Thoms: How is Tigr getting along at home?
Mother: [swats at Tigr when he starts picking foam from the bottom of the cup]
Father: We’re not happy but he is getting better. He actually does more work than his brother, but he is in your face about it. By the time he’s done what you asked, you’re exhausted. Then he wonders why we don’t thank him.
Mr. Fennel: [strides up to the table and sits down] Sorry I’m late. I was tied up with another parent. Have you talked about Tigr’s homework?
Father: A little.
Tigr: [shrinking in the seat, and picking more foam]
Mr. Fennel: Well, I teach him Social Studies and his effort is not acceptable. He owes me two assignments and there is major project due next week. [looks at Tigr] Have you started it?
Tigr: I’ve done an outline.
Mr. Fennel: I saw that three weeks ago. Have you done any research?
Tigr: A little, there isn’t much information in the text.
Mr. Fennel: There are at least 4 books in the library.
Tigr: They’re all out.
Mr. Fennel: You could have asked me if you were having a problem.
Tigr: I was working on my other assignment.
Mr. Fennel: What are you going to do when you get to high school? They won’t care about excuses. Did you understand the assignment?
Tigr: [getting smaller] Yes.
Mr. Fennel: Is there any reason you can’t do the assignment?
Tigr: [voice getting weaker] No.
Mr. Fennel: Then why aren’t you handing in the assignments?
Tigr: I don’t know
Father: [beginning to feel sorry for his son] How is he doing on the exams?
Mr. Fennel He got 65 on the first quiz, 55 on the second and 30 on the one I gave last week.
Father: Did he finish the tests?
Tigr: [hiding behind what’s left of the cup]
Mr. Fennel: No, but I offered to let him finish it after school and he didn’t come in.
Father: [exasperated] Why not!
Tigr: [mumbles] I don’t know.
Mr. Fennel [glaring at Tigr] When you’re working that won’t be good enough! No employer is going to let you work when you want or do what you want.
Tigr: [still picking at the cup while shrinking to hide behind what’s left]
Mr. Fennel: Have you ever thought about family counseling? I know you’re having trouble with Tigr and we could arrange it through social services. They might be able to give you some useful advice.
Father: I don’t think we need family counseling. Tigr is a pain, but he is getting better at home and at school.
Mr. Fennel: Well, if that’s how you feel, but I think it would help. Just call Mrs. Barnes if you want to set it up.
Tigr: [shrunk down in his chair until you can hardly see him behind a tiny bit of white foam]
Ms. Thoms: We are getting backed up and should go. Call me if you have anymore questions and thank you for coming.
Father: [thanks Ms. Thoms and Ms. Jones:]
[teachers leave]
[Tigr and his parents sit for a while then get up slowly and leave]
There is much ritual in the parent/teacher/student interview, but it serves an important purpose. Teachers and parents are coming together to talk about the education of their children. The use of "their" isn’t an error. The teachers are just as possessive as the parents. Both parties know what’s best for the children, but they see the children in different contexts and sometimes disagree. Ritual channels the emotion and provides structure for a frank discussion of how the student is doing and what should be done. Sometimes people step out of their assigned roles and others are hurt. However if substantive discussions are avoided, the ritual transforms the process into a theatre of the absurd: a play in which everyone plays their part without communicating with the other actors. Like a window display of ducks bobbing in the sunlight. Each duck incessantly bobbing, never drinking, oblivious to the others.